The gentle beauty of love

Success is loving and being loved

Hi friends & happy Sunday,

Recently, someone I know but was not close with ended his life in his mid-30s. When notified, my heart sank. Now, weeks later, my heart aches for his family as they grapple with the pain of losing a loved one, especially at a young age.

People filled the funeral home at his service. There were hardly enough chairs in the large room for the family and friends who showed up that Sunday afternoon. The eulogies were beautiful because they were spoken from the heart, propelled by specific details and stories that made this man the person he was. Among them: He helped buy a camera for his little cousin, spurring her lifelong love of photography. He wrote a book brimming with crisp prose. He loved animals and spending time on his family’s boat. He carried a special knack for cracking jokes that lighten the air in a room.

If only he knew his impact on other lives, how much he meant to people, and the impressions he left on other lives. There were many tears at his service, so much love on display for all to see and feel. The emotion was real, powerful, sad, and touching all at once.

I came across this passage from the essayist/writer Maria Popova, which captures love and loss:

“The longer I live, the more deeply I learn that love — whether we call it friendship or family or romance — is the work of mirroring and magnifying each other’s light. Gentle work. Steadfast work. Life-saving work in those moments when life and shame and sorrow occlude our own light from our view, but there is still a clear-eyed loving person to beam it back. In our best moments, we are that person for another.”

Amid the sadness, a touch of beauty came through at the service. His family saw the gift that was his life. They saw the beauty in him, in other lives — if it weren’t for other people, there wouldn’t be us. Though I didn’t get to know the man well, I was moved by his family’s tender words of appreciation for his life. They exemplified what Popova means by the work of love, “mirroring and magnifying each other’s light.”

“I am grateful to have been loved and to be loved now and to be able to love, because that liberates,” Maya Angelou said. “Love liberates.”

My favorite Warren Buffett quote is about how he defines success. When you’re nearing your end of life, he says, your only measure of success should be the number of “people you want to have love you actually do love you.” How beautiful. Walking around the funeral home, it was clear this man was loved, respected, and cared for. Few things, if any, are as worthy.

All around us, people are struggling, trying to get by to see another day, fighting to overcome worry, doubt, anxiety, addiction, depression, and the fear of whether they’re good enough. People of all ages and walks of life are vulnerable. I lost a friend to suicide about three years ago, and few days go by where I don’t think about her. All told, about 130 Americans commit suicide each day. Roughly 25 million people in the U.S. are living with depression right now. America’s teenagers are particularly distressed coming out of the pandemic, reporting record levels of sadness and suicide risk, according to a report released this week by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (Researchers note that the drop in teen well-being coincides with the rise of smartphones. By calling or texting 988, you’ll connect to mental health professionals with the Lifeline network.)

Some of us are so damn hard on ourselves, constantly doubting our worth or comparing ourselves to others. May this fact drive us to focus more on service toward others. May this drive us to bring people flowers while they’re still alive … and to text, write, or call them while they’re still here with us. A word of support or encouragement might be enough to help them find their way forward. “The thought that we must die,” British essayist Pico Iyer has written, “is the reason we must live well.”

Just having intersected with our dear friends and loved ones on this planet is a miracle, captured well by

Carissa Potter

below:

Sometimes, we spend too much time chasing the wrong things.

Let’s not delay or postpone our feelings and wishes. Hold the door for others, both figurately and literally. Walk on the sidewalk closest to the street when you walk with someone. Tip good servers and street musicians. Pay forward kind acts repeatedly. Make beautiful choices as much as possible, for Epictetus (Greek Stoic philosopher) said that “if your choices are beautiful, so too will you be.”

Sending hugs and much love. Please go forward in the world and do something beautiful!

Celebrate your gifts,
Matthew

P.S. — Thank you for reading and trusting me with these words, a privilege I don’t take lightly. If Inner Peace has helped you in some way, please consider forwarding this email to someone you care about.

P.P.S. — The lily from my last post continues to spring open: