Above the Clinking Glasses, With the Person of My Dreams

The following reflection comes shortly after Ally and I celebrated our marriage in San Martino di Castrozza, Italy, last month, along with about 85 family and friends. We had legally tied the knot last year in Brooklyn, but this, this was the big one. The celebration, the mountain dream, the week that overflowed with laughter, toasts, tears, and more love than I thought a single heart could hold.

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It’s around 4pm on our wedding day. Ally and I are in the upstairs room above the venue, only the two of us. The walls are quiet, but we could hear laughter and the clink of glasses from below. Our favorite people, gathering, waiting.

The weight of it all hits me in a beautiful wave. I break down, my eyes wet…not from fear, but from the enormity of it all, the joy, the years, all the love. So much love. It’s surreal to finally be here.

Ally is near me, calm and steady as always, scribbling final notes on her vows. Her pen moves slowly, intentionally, gently. I watch her, overwhelmed.

Ally touching up her vows, moments before the ceremony

There’s a peace in her presence that steadies me even as my heart races. After a few minutes, she looks up and smiles gently. That room held us in the final moments before everything changed, before the aisle, the music, the tears, the kiss, and before the promises made in front of everyone.

In that stillness, above the laughter, the florals, the music cues, I knew with more clarity than ever: I was exactly where I was meant to be, with the person of my dreams, Ally.

Then the skies shifted. It had rained almost the entire day. A persistent (chilly) rain made everything feel a bit softer, more introspective. But then, almost like it had been waiting, the clouds broke. Around 4:30 or 5pm, the clouds began to clear. The sun slipped through just in time for the ceremony, casting a beautiful kind of golden light over the trees, the venue, and the faces of everyone we love. It felt like a small miracle in a place full of them, in a region where Ally’s family roots trace back to the ~1400s.

Her lineage runs through those valleys and peaks, through the churches and alpine trails, through generations who lived and loved here. To stand together in that same land, surrounded by our people, in that golden hour when the rain lifted, it felt like time folding in on itself, past and present meeting in a moment we’ll never forget.

Then the ceremony began, officiated by Ally’s father, Jim. When I saw everyone gathered, smiling, waiting, ready for us to begin, I felt an almost out-of-body rush, a surge of joy, nerves, excitement, awe. It was as if I stepped outside myself for a moment.

Then I stood up there, trying to steady my breath, and said these words, through tears:

Ally,

Eight years ago, you told me that love is really about caring deeply for the other person. That stayed with me, and it’s what I’ve come to believe, too

You’ve shown me what it means to love in that way…
To listen, to lift me up, to stand beside me when I’ve doubted everything about myself and whether I even want to be here on this planet anymore.

You’ve supported me without hesitation, even when things were messy or unclear. For that I am forever grateful

As for vows: Today, I promise to reflect all that love and care back to you

To love you as you’ve loved me,
With gentleness and depth
To support you, to cheer you on, to hold space for all that you are and all that we are both becoming.

I promise to keep learning how to care better, together.
I promise to grow alongside you, laugh with you, and walk with you, wherever life leads us

I’m so grateful for the love we’ve built, and I’m all in with you for everything ahead

I don’t remember all of the other words I said, but I remember the feeling, and I remember the light on Ally’s face, the sound of her voice, and the way she held my hands.

Ally and her dad during the father-daughter dance

After we kissed, U2’s “Beautiful Day” played from the speakers. Our family and friends cheered and laughed, and everything around us lifted a bit. There was no mistaking it: this was a beautiful day not only because of the majestic Dolomites scenery or the music, but because of what we had promised each other and because of what we had stepped into, together.

What a week of emotions, what a life we’re building. What a love to return to, every single day.

Celebrate your gifts,

Matthew

Photo by Paul Schlesinger