With 24 hours left to live
“Thank God for the opportunity to help these people.”
Hi friends,
The other day, my good friend, Austin, a writer and musician in Ithaca, N.Y., asked me what I’d do with about 24-48 hours to live. Not only is this a wonderful meditation on our mortality, but it got me thinking about what matters most. With little time left, I’d gather everyone I love and care about into one place. Maybe I’d rent a large property someplace beautiful, such as a Montana ranch or a pretty beach someplace warm, and we’d just be still, immersed in the moment, together. With happy music playing and good food available — fresh salad, fish, and cheese is on the menu — I’d want to hug everyone, tell them how much I love them, and urge them to move forward not with sadness about my loss but with love, living in my honor, spreading kindness. Hopefully, this would create a domino effect. Kindness drives more kindness. Love drives more love.
In my final hours, I’d probably want to record a video with a lasting message (TBD), likely whatever emotions I’m feeling. I’d also want to write an essay, a lasting reflection, a final work, and speak to everyone there. I’d urge everyone to do more of what makes their heart sing; not enough of us do that with our limited time on this planet.
The question from Austin brought me to tears because it prompted such vivid images in my head: the people who would be there, the hugs shared, the memories enjoyed. I’d ask Jon Batiste to handle the joyful music. I’d plan to enjoy a yoga or meditation session, and one lovely stroll in the fresh air. There would be tears, so many tears. But there would be so much love. What a day of celebration it would be. A miracle, a gift, to bring everyone together and thank them for their friendship and support.
Love,
Matthew
The other day, I overheard a few people discussing how “screwed up” the world is, Russia’s heartless attack on Ukraine, inflation, violence, climate change, corruption, inequality, etc. All of it can be overwhelming and exhausting. Thus, I try to shift my perspective on the goodness. For example, Poland is accepting millions of Ukrainian refugees, and something a Polish man said on 60 Minutes last month stuck with me:
“Thank God for the opportunity to help these people.”
There is so much sadness and struggle right now on Earth. And yet there is so much love and beauty.
Spring in the Park
A few weeks ago, I sat on a bench in Prospect Park, Brooklyn, N.Y. It was one of the first warm, sunny days of the year, around the start of spring, when it feels as though everybody and their mother is out and about. The birds chirped. Dogs wagged their tails. Local shops kept their doors open. Young children played and laughed. I sat near a sidewalk, watching people go by, basking in the sun. For a few minutes, I meditated on the sun hitting my skin. My lunges took in the crisp spring air. I also worked on my deep breathing.
Then I meditated on how little is needed to live a happy life. There I sat, in my $6 Wal-Mart T-shirt, with hummus and pita bread, happy as a clam, enjoying the beautiful day, with a good book and my journal.
Notes from therapy
Because I was having difficulty the last few months in trying to determine my purpose, my life’s meaning, and the direction I wanted my “career” to go, I wanted to have a conversation with my therapist about what I want to be doing. In my weekly counseling session, my therapist and I realized the end goal doesn’t have to be about a career, a dream, or reaching a threshold to retire or rest or be complete. Of course, there is no arrival. Each day is a new gift, a blank canvas. We’re never “there.”
In the end, I will aim to do more of what I have full control over: just being a good human being. Let that be my life purpose. That opportunity is always available to us, regardless of external circumstance. It is unrelated to profession or career goals or how much money sits in the bank. I also realize, as Naval Ravikant says, that I’m going to die one day, and none of this is going to matter. So let it be a reminder to enjoy myself. Do something positive, project love, make someone happy, laugh, and appreciate this moment. This reminds me of this passage, from theoretical physicist Richard Feynman:
"Fall in love with some activity, and do it! Nobody ever figures out what life is all about, and it doesn't matter. Explore the world. Nearly everything is really interesting if you go into it deeply enough. Work as hard and as much as you want to on the things you like to do the best. Don't think about what you want to be, but what you want to do. Keep up some kind of a minimum with other things so that society doesn't stop you from doing anything at all."
Slowing down time
My dear friend, Deb, gifted me an old-school notebook. She gave me the idea to ask each friend, family member or acquaintance that I meet with to jot down their name, date and a short message. It is a way of slowing down time and being more immersed in the presence of others. Also, it is a reminder that giving others our attention is the greatest gift we can give them.
Leading a Good Life
In 1968 at the age of 19, Harvard student Kent Keith put together what he called his “Paradoxical Commandments of Leadership.” It was part of a booklet he wrote for high school student leaders. Here they are in their original form:
1. People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered. Love them anyway.
2. If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives. Do good anyway.
3. If you are successful, you win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway.
4. The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
5. Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway.
6. The biggest men with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men with the smallest minds. Think big anyway.
7. People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs. Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
8. What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway.
9. People really need help but may attack you if you do help them. Help people anyway.
10. Give the world the best you have, and you'll get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you have anyway.
Three things I loved from last week:
1. Grammy winner Jon Batiste at the Grammys on Sunday:
“I believe this to my core, there is no best musician, best artist, best dancer, best actor. The creative arts are subjective and they reach people at a point in their lives when they need it most. It’s like a song or an album is made and it almost has a radar to find the person when they need it the most.
I mean, man. I like to thank God. I just put my head down and I work on the craft every day. I love music. I’ve been playing since I was a little boy. It’s more than entertainment for me. It’s a spiritual practice.
Every single artist that was nominated in this category, I actually love and have had experiences, out of body experiences, with your music. I honor you. And this is for real artists, real musicians. Let’s just keep going. Be you. That’s it. I love you even if I don’t know you.”
2. This Charlie Mackesy art work, “One day you’ll be so proud of how far you’ve come.”
3. Author Ryan Holiday on what we really own:
Forget what your budgets and banks say. Forget what’s on the deed. If you really want to own something, own this moment in front of you. Own what you’re doing. Be present. Be here now. Be still.
What I’m reading: The Daily Laws by Robert Greene is terrific.
Photo of the week: For my birthday dinner last week, a few friends and I got together at Malaparte, a charming West Village Italian restaurant. The diversity of thought is really nice: We had a metadata analyst at HarperCollins Publishers, an insurance underwriter, a banking analyst, a sustainable energy expert, and myself. More than the job titles, though: Good people, good conversation, gratitude.
Parting questions: How are you feeling about yourself at this moment? What are you giving yourself permission to do when it comes to your healing? (H/T Alex Elle)
Be joyful and celebrate your gifts,
Matthew