Wherever You Go, There You Are
Luxury isn’t a cure
“When it comes right down to it, wherever you go, there you are. Whatever you wind up doing, that’s what you’ve wound up doing. Whatever you are thinking about right now, that’s what’s on your mind…Like it or not, this moment is all we really have to work with.” — Jon Kabat-Zinn
Hi friends,
Ally and I don’t watch much TV, but we did enjoy the popular show The White Lotus.
It highlights a hard truth: escaping to a beautiful destination doesn’t mean escaping ourselves. Much of the show is satire, exposing how even in stunning locations, wealth and privilege offer no immunity from misery, insecurity, or emotional chaos.
The show also shows that travel can be transformative, but it doesn’t erase our insecurities, doubts, or deep-seated problems. Whether at home, lounging on a beach, or wandering through a beautiful European city, we carry the same inner conflicts. No luxury hotel, fine dining experience, or nice view can fundamentally change who we are, at least not without deeper self-awareness.
This is the brilliance—and the bleakness—of The White Lotus. It reminds us that location doesn't absolve us of who we are. We may try to outrun boredom, grief, or dissatisfaction by booking a plane ticket, signing up for retreats, or checking into a five-star resort, but we inevitably arrive with the full weight of our emotional baggage. Our desires, fears, and frustrations don’t get left at baggage claim. They follow us.
I say this as someone who genuinely loves travel. I love living out of a suitcase, sometimes for weeks (or months) at a time. I love new places, different cultures, and all the little details that make a destination unique. Traveling has created some of the best memories of my life. But I’ve also been depressed in amazing places. I’ve been anxious while sitting and relaxing on perfect beaches. I’ve felt guilty for not working hard while on vacation, and I’ve even worried that I wasn’t enjoying it enough, as if joy had a quota I needed to meet so I could justify the trip.
Travel reveals us to ourselves. Sometimes that’s beautiful. Sometimes it’s uncomfortable. But it's never as simple as "go somewhere new, become someone new." That kind of transformation doesn’t typically come from a plane ticket. It comes from doing the inner work, whether you’re at home or halfway across the world.
The White Lotus also got me thinking about how much of our lives isn’t a lovely vacation, but rather the “everyday”—going to work, running errands, and spending downtime at home with friends or family. The “garbage time,” if you will, as Jerry Seinfeld explains.
We ought to cherish those days and moments because, as we see again and again, the “perfect” getaway at some beautiful destination probably won’t cure us. As Seth Godin says, "Instead of wondering when your next vacation is, maybe you should set up a life you don't need to escape from."
Celebrate where you are,
Matthew