The Strength of My Mother

Lessons from my mom, just after her birthday

Hi friends,

A few reflections on mom, shortly after her latest birthday. The years continue to fly by.

Some of the best financial (and life) advice I’ve ever received came from my mom, who lost her mother when she was only 11. Later, she became my mom at 39, after surviving breast cancer and building her career. She carried all of it with grace while working full time. She showed up every day and rarely complained, despite the challenges that come with being a woman (and mother) in the corporate space.

Looking back, my mom’s strength likely came from shouldering responsibility long before she had a choice. At 11, after she lost her mother to breast cancer, she stepped in to raise her younger sister. Years later, she helped raise her niece, too. Then came breast cancer, single motherhood, and a demanding full-time career, all faced with grit, grace, and without complaint.

She became emotionally “older” than her years. She learned to take care of others before learning how to take care of herself. Her identity became tied to responsibility, selflessness, and stability. Caregiving became a pattern for her, almost a calling, though one she didn’t necessarily choose. Her needs likely got pushed aside. The message: others first, always.

Even now, in retirement, when the world finally asks less of her, I sense the weight of that lifelong rhythm: to care for others, to hold things together. But I also see a new chapter opening: a space where she can ask not only what others need, but also what she needs. After a lifetime of giving, she deserves that kind of peace.

Here are a few of her biggest lessons.

Pay yourself first. Before spending a dollar, put money toward your future. Invest in yourself, your business, your health, and your stock accounts. The world can be brutal for people without financial resources.

Invest your bonuses, don’t buy that new car unless you can truly afford it. Windfalls should go to wealth-building, not lifestyle inflation. My mom made that clear early on by investing bonuses and extra cash into great assets that appreciate over time.

Buy the smallest, nicest home you can afford in the best area you can afford. Surround yourself with smart, driven people who will lift you up.

Tell the truth. Mom doesn’t lie, sugarcoat, or play games. Honesty builds trust, and trust is everything.

Be on time. She’s always early because respecting people’s time is a simple way to show you care.

Invest for the long term, don’t trade. The best results come from patience, not constant action. My mom has always invested for years and decades, not weeks or months.

Don’t beat yourself up. She sold Netflix stock too early. She almost bought Amazon a long time ago but didn’t. Like most of us (or all of us?), she’s made career, friendship, and housing mistakes. But she tries not to dwell too much on the misses. She’s had wonderful relationships and jobs that improve over time like a fine wine. She's also had big investment wins, including long-time positions in Apple, American Express, Alphabet, and Bitcoin. Her view: Even when you miss, new opportunities are always waiting...There’s always a new day.

Exercise daily. Wealth is meaningless without health. Sleep well, eat well, go easy on the alcohol, and prioritize physical activity every day.

Read a lot. Curiosity compounds like interest. My mom has always read newspapers and magazines, and always had a stack of good books on her nightstand.

Give and tip well. Give generously, tip service workers, write handwritten notes. Remind people what they mean to you. As she says: “The more I focus on helping others, the better I feel.”

Check in on others. You never know how much someone might need to hear from you.

Be there for people. She’s always quick to pick up the phone, lend support, write a check to a charity/fundraiser, or help someone through a tough time, often when they need it most, without asking for a penny in return.

Stay positive. She doesn’t complain or bring others down. Her focus is on what’s possible. 💛

Celebrate your gifts,

Matthew