Stoicism: An Ancient Cure for Modern Stress
The case for embracing stoicism for a calmer mind, rather than self-help
Hey everyone,
Below, you’ll find a brief reflection from me, followed by a reported guest piece from my good friend Austin, who lives in Ithaca, NY, about the value of a self-help alternative: stoicism. I hope you enjoy.
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About a year or two ago, a dear friend cut me off mid-sentence and offered a suggestion: cut the self-help. Stop reading books found in the “self improvement” section of the store, many of which imply that you aren’t good enough or happy enough or motivated enough. They might also suggest that you must constantly be growing, improving, and “getting better.”
What about just enjoying the friggin’ day we’re fortunate enough to have? At times, self-help advice might be well-intended but it can become so overwhelming and unhelpful that it detracts from the entire reason I believe we’re all here: to love one another and the planet, to enjoy ourselves, and to help out one another.
For many of us, it’s more helpful to just go live — truly live. Go outside, exercise, help someone, talk to someone, read some poems, cook, clean, project love, work on a craft or calling. What would you do?
Months ago, I took my friend’s advice to heart, and it’s been transformative. Instead of chasing an elusive "better version" of myself, I try to focus on simply being. I’ve traded the cycle of self-improvement for small moments of joy: the laughter of a loved one, the warmth of the sun on my face, the satisfaction of a good meal shared with friends, a lovely midday walk, great music on the radio — something you love doing.
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Sure, there’s value in growth and learning. But when it becomes an obsession, we risk losing sight of the life we’re already living. It’s like staring so hard at a map that we forget to look up and enjoy the scenery. Take former NBA star Ray Allen, who, after winning two titles, admitted that he didn’t feel as fulfilled as he had imagined. For years, Allen had focused so intensely on winning that when he finally achieved what all pro basketball players dream of, he was left wondering, Is this it? Ditto for University of Connecticut men’s basketball coach Dan Hurley, who in 2023, achieved his dream of winning a national title. Yet weeks later, he had panic attacks and fell into bouts of depression that nearly forced him out of the profession.
There’s also the late Tony Hsieh, the former CEO of Zappos. He became known for building a unique workplace culture and sold his company for $1.2 billion to Amazon. Yet, in his later years, Hsieh struggled with finding purpose and fulfillment outside of work. The same drive that made him successful also blinded him to the value of slowing down and savoring simpler pleasures.
Maps and goals and constant self-improvement can be useful. They’re useful for direction, but if we never look up from them, we miss the beauty of the scenery: the camaraderie of teammates/colleagues, the miracles of everyday life, the joy of just playing the game. As the saying goes, "Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of traveling." As you’ll see below, that’s kinda what stoicism is all about.
Lately, I’m drawn to the kind of wisdom that celebrates presence. A line from Mary Oliver comes to mind: “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” Not what will you fix or what will you improve, but what will you do? How will you embrace the fleeting, imperfect beauty of this gift we have?
Here’s my invitation: let’s ditch the self-help spiral and lean into the lives we already have. We can make more space for stillness, wonder, and connection. Let’s laugh more, enjoy our precious days more, and remember that we don’t need to constantly be earning our worth, striving, and improving. This moment is worthy of our full presence.
I leave you with a parting question: What’s been bringing you joy lately? Even if it’s been a tough stretch for you, I’d love to hear to what has added brightness to your life lately, or what has nourished your soul.
With love,
Matthew
Guest Reflection by Austin Lamb
I was in my early 20s, struggling with a chronic illness, and a global pandemic persisted by the day. My world had never felt so chaotic. I needed better ways to stay grounded every day.
That’s when I found Stoicism, the ancient Greco-Roman philosophy which teaches how to make the best of what’s in your control. A friend said it’d helped with his anxiety and sent me the two books on Stoicism: Marcus Aurelius’ “Meditations,” and an interpretation of Epictetus’ teachings called “The Art of Living.”
My idea of Stoicism had always been putting on a brave face and burying one’s emotions. I expected the writing to be dense, the advice to feel dated, and the tone to possess a self-righteous I associated with books promising better ways to live. But these Stoic books were easy to digest, with advice laid out in short chapters or numbered lists. I could finish them in a few days and easily refer back later.
As social media continues to influence modern life—raising anxiety levels, lowering attention spans, and distorting reality—addressing mental health has become more accepted. But finding useful strategies in an endless sea of resources is another challenge, especially for those who can’t afford therapy or see it as a last resort. Stoicism is a timely antidote, says Anthony Long, professor emeritus of classics at the University of California, Berkeley. “Stoic wisdom is especially relevant today because of the malign way social media unthinkingly shape people’s misconceptions of the necessary features of a good life,” says Long. And because core human needs are timeless, Stoicism’s ancient virtues have not become obsolete. “Stoic philosophers acknowledged that people naturally prefer health to sickness, and prosperity to adversity,” Long says. “[They] taught we can achieve a good life by regarding our thoughts and desires as autonomous, not simply served up to us by instinct, ideology and social pressure.”
And while many modern self-help books contain Stoicism’s four cardinal virtues— wisdom, temperance, justice, courage—they often lack the ancient philosophy’s systematic approach, says Caleb Cohoe, professor of philosophy at Metropolitan State University of Denver. Instead, he says, self-help books may rely on anecdotes of something that worked for the author or another person. “[They] don't have that systematic worked-out account of how if we change our beliefs about things, and if we try to stop and think before we just accept our impressions of reality,” Cohoe said.
What also distinguishes Stoicism from self-help, despite the common objectives, is their origin. Stoic texts originated as personal journals, letters to friends, or lectures documented by students. “You're getting what someone really thinks, either for themselves or for a loved one,” Cohoe says, instead of “someone who's just showing off their learning or trying to show the superiority of their system.”
Some readers may find Marcus Aurelius and Epictetus too “bullet-point-like” or “merely inspirational,” says Nancy Sherman, professor of philosophy at Georgetown University. In that case, she recommends Seneca’s “Letters from a Stoic.”
Since I learned about Stoicism, I don’t get as frustrated by things out of my control: when my sports team loses, when I’m stuck in traffic, whether I got the last word in an argument. By learning to discern what’s worthwhile in the long term and what’s temporary, I feel like I’ve avoided a midlife crisis, and I’m only in my 20s.
So the next time you’re in a rough patch, browsing unverified advice on social media or browsing self-help books with flashy titles on Amazon, consider the tried and true wisdom of Stoicism. At the very least, you’ll feel better having spent time reading and off your phone. Isn’t that self-help?
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