Pages of Hope

After her father's diagnosis, Emily Bhatnagar started a book drive. She's since donated 20,000-plus books to children with cancer

Emily Bhatnagar and her father

When Emily Bhatnagar's father was diagnosed with stage four thyroid cancer on her 16th birthday, her life was thrown in a whirl. She’d struggled with lifelong anxiety, depression and an eating disorder, but she’s said that went up “1,000%” after learning of her dad’s illness. At first, she poured herself into helping him. She tube-fed her father, Mike, between virtual classes, monitored his health, studied, and kept working for her family’s small shop. The strain led to hospitalization due to exhaustion.

After she recovered, Emily felt a need to redirect her energy into something meaningful, something empowering — for herself and others. One day she had an epiphany: For Love and Buttercup, a book drive for children undergoing cancer treatment. In three years, she’s donated over 20,000 books and, last December, she became a CNN Hero.

“I wouldn't have known what to do if it wasn't helping others,” she says. “That’s the No. 1 thing that has helped me through this period. When you have a parent with cancer, you can be there for them, but you can’t prevent them from dying. But if you can help others, you feel a little more useful. When helping, everything didn’t feel so out of control, and I wasn’t spiraling as much. When I started helping people, I felt like I could breathe for the first time.”

Some donated books — anyone can donate here — include handwritten notes from Emily herself. “Dear sweet child, You are a real life superhero. My hero Superman’s strength doesn’t even compare to yours,” reads one note. Says another: “I am so in awe of your resilience. You are a hundred times more strong than you think you are. I think you’re so inspiring. Sending so much love from Maryland.” Another: “Hey you! I just wanted to send a sweet little reminder your way to tell you that you are so incredible and so wonderfully you. Cancer can never, ever take that away from you.”

Later this month, Emily, now 20, begins college at the University of Pennsylvania. She spoke with Inner Peace about her book drive and channeling challenges into something beautiful. This interview has been edited lightly for brevity and clarity.

How did For Love and Buttercup all begin?

I started in July of 2021, and it was such an overnight idea. I hardly put any thought into it. When I told my dad that night, he said to go for it as long, as it didn’t affect my grades. I posted a message on the community app, Nextdoor. I was expecting maybe a few books here and there.

But the response was so overwhelming and amazing and the more I did it, the more I realized, oh my gosh, this is actually my dream job that I accidentally got into. It’s now a nonprofit. We’re still small, but it would be a dream to expand it someday. 

How is your dad doing now?

He's doing well. They did find a little bit of cancer in his lungs, but they’re tiny, they’re just monitoring it. He's not exactly cancer free, but he’s not exactly undergoing treatment. He’s seeing doctors here and there. 

When did you fall in love with reading? I read your dad would take you to Barnes and Noble. You’ve also written, “Through reading I lived a thousand, extraordinary lives. In one of them, I was a mighty sailor of the deep blue ocean with vows to find treasure and in another, I was a ballerina twirling in a snow globe under Parisian moonlight. As I grew up, to magically transport to a madly mythical, magnificent world where my father wasn’t dying of cancer was an antidote I held dearly to during the times I forgot the sound of my own laughter.”

Around first or second grade. I fell in love with the American Girl series.. It was always cool to read, and I was so obsessed with the author, Megan, that I wrote to her, and she wrote back. It was my biggest dream come true. I got into girl-girl books and read Ivy + Bean and Rainbow Magic. 

I would beg my dad all the time to bring me to Barnes and Noble. He's a chef, so he’d hang out in the cookbook aisle. We’d just have a blast there. I’d pick up a bunch of books, but I didn’t want to spend too much of his money, so I’d say, “I’m only getting one or two.” But my dad was like, no, get five. He was always supportive. 

In three years, Emily has donated over 20,000 books to children with cancer

I understand your nonprofit is a family team effort. 

I was 17 when I started (I’m 20 now), and I’m still too afraid to get my driver’s license. So I have asked my brother or dad to drive me everywhere doing donations. My mom is into photography, so she’s helped out with pictures. They all chip in. 

You’ve said when children receive the books, it brings you a dose of happiness. One time, a child received a book of yours and responded joyously, even though he didn’t speak English. Do you remember that?

His name was Tiago. He didn’t live in America. He was at the clinic for a treatment, and it was an inpatient program. He was basically living at the clinic for a while. When I first met him, he was obviously still shy. I was still a little shy, but he slowly began opening books and unwrapping them and he saw all these books and all these colors and he was so happy. I will never forget that moment.

What other reactions come to mind?

When I was filming for CNN Heroes, we had several kids who were set up to meet with me. One girl was around 11 or 12 years old and the sweetest thing. She did her makeup just for me. She was so nervous. I told her I was so boring; she did not need to do her makeup. The kids were asking for pictures with me, which was surreal. 

Why do you include little handwritten notes to some children?

It’s a little more special to me to hold a hard copy of a book rather than something digital.  And the same thing goes for letters and such. I think it's so much more personal if you handwrite it. Growing up, my favorite class was English, and I was the kid teachers got annoyed at because I’d write so much. It was always something I really enjoyed. I think I’ve kept every single handwritten note or birthday card I’ve ever received. So I thought about handwriting notes to these kids. Whether they keep them or not, it gives them maybe an immediate happiness when they read it. 

What are the next steps for expansion?

I've really loved the advocacy side of things. Maybe more speaking engagements about the importance of the emotional impact that children with cancer have.

Why is your organization called For Love and Buttercup?

Anyone who's ever known me knows that I am very much a girly girl. So buttercup flowers sounded pretty. More important, they represent something pure, light and innocent. That is exactly the feeling I want these children for him to feel when they get a book of mine.

I wanted them to just feel truly young and escape from their reality. Buttercup flowers were the one flower that represented that to me.

Do you try to ensure your books include characters and authors of various backgrounds?

Growing up, it was pretty rare even — even in 2010 — to see a person of color in a book. And to me that was kind of heartbreaking. I was like, oh, so I am different. And as a very self conscious kid who had major social anxiety, that was like my worst nightmare to be any hint of different from my classmates. 

I've always found myself more drawn to even anyone of color who encompasses the meaning of what it’s like to be a woman of color today.

Your motto has been, “nothing could ever be as bad as your head makes it out to be.” Is that still something you try to remind yourself of?

Yes. Every single time I've been scared to death to do something, whether it was a speech in class or even the CNN Heroes on live national TV, I get so much more anxious in my mind. But when I’m in the moment, it’s like, I actually love this. The more I do those things, the more I realize I love it. It isn’t so bad.

You’ve learned from your parents about the power of giving. On hot summer days at their restaurant, you’ve seen them give others a complimentary bottle of water or insist it was OK if customers were a few dollars short on their bill. Have you always seen this generosity and giving from them?

I've seen it all my life. Just a few days ago, my dad, who has a stomach feeding tube, had been trying to find an attachment for months. We hadn’t been able to get through to the company. But a few days ago, a man from the company came over to fix another one of his breathing machines, which was separate from the attachment he’s looking for. But the man found the other pieces for us and brought them. My dad gave him $100 for that, even though those pieces probably cost more like $10. 

What have you learned from how your dad has navigated the hand he’s been dealt?

He’s so graceful, compassionate and kind, and I think the way he handles it is also the way I handle it. Humor helps. He’s always trying to make nurses laugh. A few days ago, we were at the hospital for a checkup and a nurse asked, sir, do you feel sick today? Any problems? My dad got in a very serious voice and said yes. Then the nurse looked at him all concerned. My dad goes, I shrunk. I was 5-foot-8, now I’m 5-7. 

He’s always trying to make people smile and laugh. I think that’s the coolest and most admirable way to live.