On self-forgiveness

Plus: Notes from The Art of Living by Epictetus

Jan 08, 2022

Hi friends,

We should usually forgive others, but first we ought to forgive ourselves: not only for things we have done, but for what we haven't done, the mistakes we made, the bad decisions, the painfully wrong paths we chose at times. Whatever we could have done in another, better way — let's forget it. Will you join me?

Let's let go in 2022. Let us remove ourselves from the shackles of the past: The bad stock pick. The 'wrong' career choice. The relationship mistake. Or the days or weeks or months when we didn't fully maximize the time we had with the people who matter the most. This isn't to minimize the pain or consequences we've experienced. It's to accept that these things happened and understand that we're here now, breathing, living, loving. That in itself is a beautiful thing.

Forgiveness begins with ourselves, and today is a fresh gift to restart, to rise again, fully renewed, as a professional self-forgiver. It's in our nature to retrace our past mistakes, but let's love ourselves unconditionally and step forward into self-love. Create peace for yourself. Journal, reflect, meditate on the 'mistakes' or shortcomings from 2021 and let today be a new start. And then again tomorrow. And the next day.

It's easy and almost natural to beat up on ourselves or wish things had transpired differently. But chances are, we'll look back on today in months or years from now and wish we had begun now. This is the truth. So make that investment, organize the house, donate what you don't use, apply for that job, write that book, tell that person how much they mean to you. Do that thing you've been putting off.

Today, start giving yourself more grace. We aren't who we were a year ago. We've grown. Our track record for getting through hard days is 100%. Heck, where else do we bat a thousand?

To put this into practice, I've begun to meditate most mornings on the good I will do for myself — healthy foods, plenty of water, walks, exercise, relaxation — and then the good I plan to do for others. After all, we must put our own oxygen masks on first. I try to jot down any mistakes or shortcomings I’ve made in a given time period and reflect on the ways in which I’ve grown from these experiences. I hope you will join me in this cleansing, therapeutic experience of renewal and self-forgiveness.

Let us choose ourselves. Let us choose inner peace. You owe this to yourself and those you love.

Love,

Matthew

Highlights from my journal this week:

Winners see opportunity in each problem: Constantly ask, 'Why am I doing this?'
It won't be about what you had. Rather, it will be: What did you do with what you had?
A man I knew passed away recently of a terminal illness. It is hard to comprehend, even if it was somewhat expected. Seneca's insight comes to mind as helpful here: It's not just, ‘Oh, how sad for his family.’ You must think: That could have been me. None of us is exempt. So go out and live for today while it's still here.
I have embarked on the project in the below photo. Will you join me? On New Year’s Eve, we will open up our jars. (H/T: Jay Shetty)

Five things to leave behind in 2022:
1) Not clearly communicating your needs

2) Pressing people to change who don't want to

3) Overcommitting to things you don't want to do

4) Emotionally draining friendships and relationships

5) Reacting in the moment vs. taking a step back

Source: Alex Elle, Teacher/Writer

Five new journal prompts from Suleika Jaouad, author, cancer survivor:

What in the last year are you proud of?
What did this year leave you yearning for?
What’s causing you anxiety?
What resources, skills, and practices can you rely on in the coming year?
What are your wildest, most harebrained ideas and dreams? (Set a timer for five minutes and just write, no judgments, backspacing or erasing! This was fun.)

My notes from 'The Art of Living' by Epictetus:

This was one of my favorite books of 2021 by a Greek Stoic philosopher who was born into slavery. Too many notes to include them all. Here are the highlights:

When something happens, all you can control is your response
Make full use of what happens to you
Care for what you happen to have: Nothing can be truly taken — there is nothing to lose. We are born with no belongings and we die with no belongings. Technically, then, we own nothing but ourselves
All events contain an advantage or lesson for you — look for it
Pull back from situations and take the wider view. Will this matter in five years?
A noble goal in life: freedom
Authentic happiness — independent of external conditions
Vigilantly practice indifference to external conditions
Just be your own best self, let go of the rest
Forget accolades and fame. Be a somebody to people that matter to you
Never suppress a generous impulse — don't hesitate ever to be generous or do a kind act
Ask yourself often: Who exactly do I want to be?
Speak with good purpose, try not to bad mouth others
Don't defend yourself at every turn: Say, 'I guess that person doesn't know about all my other faults.'
What really matters is who we are inside and who we are becoming
Simplify your life each day
True happiness is nothing more than inner tranquility
‘Caretake this moment.’ Give your best here, now, and be kind