On difficult goodbyes, notes to self and a November affirmation
Hi friends,
There's something wonderful about the way people interact with loved ones at the airport, particularly in the drop-off area. Parents send off their children for a flight to college. Families drop off someone to go serve in the military, unsure when or if they'll see that person again. A woman says farewell to her partner going on a work trip. There are hugs, waves and final words. Sometimes there are tears. This happens at all times of day, from the 6 a.m. flights onward, across the world, among people of all races and nationalities.
I love observing these scenes at airports. I love seeing so many sincere goodbyes in one place, so much love manifested in such a simple way. Maybe airport goodbyes are much more sincere than everyday goodbyes because a flight signifies a person will be gone more than a few hours or few days. Or maybe they're more sincere because there's the unsaid, possibly subconscious thought that there's not a 100% chance you see that person again. This is not morbid, it's only a fact, one that helps fully appreciate that person's presence while they're still here with us.
My heart aches when I leave a loved one to board a plane, because it's a goodbye to family and best friends and everything that represents home. I also like to keep in mind it could be the last time I see that person, so I meditate on how much they mean to me. Goodbyes have never been easy for me, yet they are instrumental because of the lessons they offer. They remind me to hold tight for everyday life and love as many moments as I can with the people I cherish. Usually, my feelings are deepest when I say goodbye to my mother, father and girlfriend.
A kind of beauty can be found in these goodbye moments, even given the challenge of leaving that person's presence. When such heavy feelings arise, it means you have had with that person a loving experience or series of memories that have shaped your life forever. Thus, these goodbyes give me a deeper appreciation for life. I am grateful for these moments, even though they are challenging and emotional, mainly because there are people who are not fortunate enough to have loving people to say goodbye to in the first place.
As I walk away for TSA, I try to smile through the pain, keeping thoughts of the person’s spirit at the forefront, while embracing the gift of his or her presence on planet Earth.
The art of savoring tiny moments:
My eyes welled up with tears, as they sometimes do, when I considered how lovely our planet is. For a few billion years, Mother Nature has flowed in the universe, performing the gift of life daily without interruption. Our Earth's air, water, trees, dirt, rocks — all of it endures with remarkable reliability. We've done far too much damage to this amazing place, surrounded by unthinkable amounts of space, but there is hope we can make it last.
The fragility of our life, of our planet and of our time here reminds me to document the tiny moments that make me feel alive each day. It's known as the mindfulness practice of savoring:
Looking at my plants upon waking up
Sipping tea in the morning
Stepping into the fresh air outside
Applying moisturizer on my skin
Sitting by a candle with a good book to nourish the mind
Tasting nutritious, natural fruit with morning tea
What tiny moments do you enjoy savoring?
Spilled tea — don't rush
I spilled a cup of tea on my pants and car seat the other day as I was sitting in my car, ready to drive away for a dinner. A year or two ago, I might have grown a little frustrated or anxious. Not now. It’s not worth the energy. There’s no reason to beat up our precious selves. Stoicism has taught me not to have a reaction to most things, especially a trivial event like that. In this instance, my initial reaction consisted of precisely nothing.
I wiped the mess with a Lysol wipe, breathed in and drove away. But the incident did come with a silver lining, acting as a good reminder to slow the heck down. Why was I rushing? For what reason? Sometimes, these mistakes, spills and minor inconveniences can be profound teachers if we let them be. Thank you, spilled tea.
An affirmation for November and a reminder, from Dhayana Alejandrina:
i will trust myself more.
i will hold myself higher.
i will believe in the endless
potential that lies within me.
reminder:
do not get stuck thinking that
your life isn't good enough
based on unrealistic
standards of happiness.
you, just by being here,
are everything
you ever needed.
the breaths you take,
the smiles you share,
your presence — are all a sign
of how blessed and
beautiful your existence is.
A poem I'm meditating on from Maya Angelou:
And when great souls die, after a period
peace blooms, slowly and always irregularly.
Spaces fill with a kind of soothing electric vibration.
Our senses, restored, never to be the same,
whisper to us. "They existed. They existed.
We can be. Be and be better. For they existed."
My life notes from Jack Dorsey on his podcast interview with Lex Fridman:
Health is the most precious thing we have
Exercises, walks, meditates each day
He converted to vegan to help save animals and the environment
Health and our being is all we truly own
He experienced a speech impediment growing up
One of his bigger wishes is that more people come to realize we're all in this life together
Jack has become a visionary, not only in the payments and tech world (Square, Twitter, Bitcoin) but in promoting world peace, sustainability, philanthropy and accountability.
My colleague Seth Davis in a recent story about a UCLA basketball player in The Athletic caught my eye. On not putting too much pressure on ourselves, and staying within ourselves:
"Juzang is well-aware that his postseason performance and preseason hype have created high expectations. Some would look at that as an onerous burden, but as usual, Juzang sees things differently. 'I don’t ever put pressure on myself like that,' he says. 'What drives me at my core isn’t all these big goals. It’s knowing that I’m growing and progressing. It’s asking myself every day, am I getting better? Did I push myself? Am I growing my character? Am I growing my game? So I’m going to give it everything I have, and I’m going to be present. If I do, things will work out.'"
My notes from "Note to Self: Inspiring Words from inspiring people" by Gayle King, who features letters from drug addicts, writers such as Toni Morrison, Oprah, athletes, a man dying with ALS and more. Each person writes something to his or her younger self. The underlying themes:
Go easy on yourself
Past challenges usually aren't as bad as they appeared initially
What we once worried about often wasn't nearly as bad as we thought (we struggle more via our imagination than reality)
Experiences that appear to be drawbacks are some of our greatest teachers, areas of growth
The book shows the benefit of reflection, at the end of each day, week and year, as a way of slowing down the pace of life for a few moments. The book also shows the power in jotting down a letter to your younger self, a profound exercise.
Speaking of that exercise, some thoughts on rewinding the tape:
Every few days or weeks, I scroll back in my camera roll or back through old documents on my computer. Below is one I found from 2009, when I was 11 years old. It was part of a sixth grade class exercise to reflect on our present selves and what we hope to achieve in the future. This is a beautiful exercise, no matter our age, status, economic level or dreams. We can all write letters to our past and future selves, then revisit them at a later date. This is the essence of keeping a journal, ideally written by hand, with your favorite pencil or pen. I love looking back at what used to be on my mind, what my former goals and thoughts were. It's usually a reminder in how much we change our mind/evolve as we grow older.
After reading this, it looks as though I'll have to keep going with the flow. I'm happy with that :)
Life advice from Mohnish Pabrai, the investor who cloned Warren Buffett's buy-and-hold strategy:
"Once you have a sense that life is meaningless, what should you do? Not fuck up life for other people. Leave the planet a better place than you found it. Do a good job with your kids. The rest of it is a game. It doesn't matter."
Photo(s) of the week:
The fall foliage is hanging around in New York. And last week, my mom visited for some quality time together. Moms are superheroes.
One parting thought: "Meet everything that happens to you with gratitude, and see how beautiful everything suddenly becomes." — Me
One parting question for the week:
What is the best use of my limited time on this planet?
Be joyful and celebrate your gifts,
Matthew
So many good thoughts here! I loved reading words from eleven-year-old you!