Lessons from cancer, death, and giving back: A few of my favorite stories

From Nicaragua to Miami to Upstate New York

Hi friends,

A tiny beautiful thing happened when I was traveling on the subway the other evening. With most passengers glued to their phones, a Spanish-speaking gentleman came onto the train with a guitar. He got right into playing Feliz Navidad, then wished everyone good health and a happy holiday season. His genuine music moved me — “I want to wish you a Merry Christmas, From the bottom of my heart.” And he was gone, delivering cheer into another subway car.

It’s these kinds of small daily happiness moments I cherish. How do you cherish the little moments, the big moments, and the moments in between the moments?

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In this edition, I share with you lasting memories from stories I have written, including pieces that transported me to Nicaragua, a Native American reservation in Upstate New York, and to an after-school lacrosse program in Harlem. Hopefully, there are a few lessons we may derive from them:

Taking on cancer, survival, and what’s next: “Cancer free” doesn’t always mean sunshine and rainbows. In this piece I wrote, former punter Rob Long opened up about his battle with the anxiety and depression that comes after living through the trauma of brain cancer. There’s always the fear that it could one day come back. “My depression or anxiety was never geared toward that I was suicidal,” Long said. “It was the exact opposite. I wanted so badly to stay alive. I wasn’t so depressed that I had nothing left to live for. It was that I was so depressed I have so much left that I want to live for. Yet I feel like I’m on a ticking clock. I’ve felt that way for the last eight and a half years.” (The Athletic)

The Native American stick maker: A cinder-brick barn lies at the bottom of a hill, off a dirt road in the heart of the Onondaga Nation Reservation just south of Syracuse. There, Alfie Jacques handcrafts lacrosse sticks, which he’s done for more than 60 years. In 2015, two weeks after his mother died, he was diagnosed with kidney cancer. In 2017, he suffered a heart attack. Yet he showed up again and again, using his father’s knife, made in 1832, to carve each stick carefully. (Washington Post)

Harlem Lacrosse: Lacrosse, despite its roots as a Native American sport, struggles to be seen as something other than elite, suburban, and mostly white. A Harlem, New York program has tried to give underprivileged students educational and athletic opportunities through the game. “I always had the heart and mind to be successful, but I didn’t have the support,” said Davon Johnson, a former Harlem Lacrosse student who earned a near full scholarship to the Vermont Academy. Lacrosse “changed my life,” he said. “It helped me find direction.” (New York Times)

Tim Tebow: Tim Tebow’s quest to play in the MLB failed, but he had fun trying anyway. In the minor leagues, traveling means long hours on a bus — he used the time to write a book on his laptop. Michael McHugh, the visiting clubhouse manager for the Portland Sea Dogs, said he was struck by how many times Tebow thanked him. “There’s so many other things that I could be doing that are a lot more money-driven and fame-seeking,” Tebow said in an interview last week. “But when I’m 50-years-old, that’s not going to matter. What matters is pursuing a passion and doing something that’s in your heart.” (Wall Street Journal)

Bartending to educate children: Kirk Shronce, a Pittsburgh bartender, works 50-hour weeks to fund no-cost education to dozens of underprivileged children in a village 2,000 miles away. (Pittsburgh Post-Gazette)

Motivated by a friend’s suicide: A friend's suicide spurred former Syracuse guard Trevor Cooney to become a mental health advocate. (The Athletic)

Chris Elmore is driven by best friend’s death: His best friend, Carliysia, died on Sept. 8, 2014, at about 3 a.m. while trying to save her younger siblings in a Chicago fire. She is the reason he prays before every game — for no one to get hurt on the football field, for his single father who raised three kids, for Carliysia’s family and for Carliysia. She is the reason he points to the sky to a “special someone” after a big play or touchdown. She is also the reason Elmore tattooed praying hands on his chest, just behind his jersey block numbers, just over his heart. (Daily Orange)

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A few photos: Thanksgiving weekend in southwest Florida

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Dwindling friendship: Friendship is dwindling — Americans report fewer close friends than they did thirty years ago.

• 15% of men and 10% of women have no close friends.

• That means 1 in 7 men and 1 in 10 women in the U.S. don't have a single friend.

• We need to encourage people to invest in the things that really matter in life — community and friendship.

This is from Scott Galloway’s latest book, Adrift: America in 100 Charts. Loneliness is a silent killer that can sneak up on people. Let’s do our best to foster some love and community, both at home and at work. We never know who might be a loner looking to feel appreciated or loved.

We’re also growing apart, thanks mainly to technology. People spend more time alone and isolated, binging shows and scrolling on social media instead of sharing meals with neighbors, joining clubs, or volunteering with groups. What can we accomplish when we put our phones down more often?

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Quote I’m pondering: “Gratefulness allows us to nurture a keener eye that no longer rushes past the small everyday moments that make up the larger parts of our lives.” — Guri Mehta

Celebrate your gifts,

Matthew