Help Them Up: Energizing and Empowering Others With Dan Horwitz
Plus: Moving forward after loss and creating better energy
Hey friends,
For generations, sports teams have gathered for routine huddle breaks, where players meet, usually in a tight circle, to strategize, motivate, or celebrate. Players raise their right hands in unity to “break” (end) the huddle, then resume play.
But Dan Horwitz, a high school basketball coach in Connecticut, recalled one of his players stepping forward last season with a revelation.
“He told me, ‘Coach, I’m doing this research project in sports psychology, and I heard that putting your left hand in (the huddle) is more effective because the left hand is closer to your heart.’ For the rest of the season, we used our left hands. That’s what being a great teammate is all about. That’s the culture I want to instill.”
Horwitz, a good friend, is the varsity boys’ basketball coach at Watkinson School in West Hartford, Connecticut. In 2020, he self-published a book: “Help Them Up,” with 14 principles he’s learned from high-level basketball programs like Villanova, Connecticut, and North Carolina. They include the value of high-fives, supportive words, and diligent warm-up routines.
In this conversation, Dan spoke with me about his book and coaching style, lessons from great environments, how he healed after his father’s death, and more. Our interview has been edited lightly for brevity and clarity.
What inspired you to write your book?
I grew up loving basketball and team sports. And I’ve learned a lot from coaching, attending clinics, and practices, so I wanted to put the 14 most common, powerful principles into a book and write it in a way that players and coaches could get some value. Hopefully, they have a better basketball experience because of it.
What’s a lasting message from the book?
Be a great teammate. Every principle is transferable to work teams and to families, just any group of people, not just basketball teams. You can always give someone a positive thought, a word or phrase to encourage people. That goes a long way. We all have the powerful choice to uplift people or pull them down. Example: The title of the book comes from the idea of running over to your teammate and lifting them up off the floor.
By being around people every day, you can tell if they're having a good day or a down day. Over time, you learn how to help them with words, by checking, or by an action. You learn to read body language and tone.
When things are going wrong, we can easily point fingers and blame. But in basketball, for our team, we put our arms around one another after a shooting foul is called. We do a little huddle and share a quick message. Adversity and problems arise all the time. But when groups come together and communicate, it’s easier to find a solution.
Tell us about motivators. One thing that comes to mind is when a boss sent me a card thanking me for my work and care, plus a book he thought I’d enjoy. It meant so much.
I appreciate you sharing that because it takes time and energy to send someone something like that. It shows that it really does matter, it goes a long way.
Our team had a great season and we won the championship. My staff and I signed cards for every player and we also sent our guest speakers a piece of the net, with a picture of the team.
Is there one program you want to highlight?
Jay Wright and Villanova were phenomenal. But he’s not there anymore. The UConn men’s and women’s basketball teams are incredible. They always huddle up during foul shots. The women have an incredible culture. I saw them practice a few years ago, and during warmups, each of them echoed calls: “High knees!” they all said in unison. It was all choreographed. Everything is championship level. Everything matters to them.
You and your siblings were all close to your dad. What did he mean to you?
Talking about him makes me happy. The day he died was the worst day of our lives. It was a roller coaster of emotions. After the funeral, it was just the siblings and my mom, and we started sharing stories about him. He was a kid at heart, and he’d make us all laugh. He’d dance, he’d talk to strangers, and he wouldn't judge anyone. He brought positive energy to the spaces he occupied. We try to live those qualities to make him proud — that’s how we move forward.
Did you learn anything else as you grieved and healed?
Ask for help when you need it and rely on others. When people say to reach out if you need anything, then it’s OK to take them up on that. We don’t often do that. Also, it helps to know that there are usually brighter days ahead, and it’s OK to be sad. All those feelings are valid. Talking to a good friend can help, or doing something for yourself, whether it’s watching a movie, going for a walk, or exercise.
What drives you?
My family. We’re tight-knit, with my mom, my twin brother, my older sister, and my older brother. My dad’s not here anymore, but he was so loving. My mom is, too. She’s the glue that keeps us together. I also had great coaches who empowered me and made me feel appreciated and confident. I owe it to continue those values forward.
How do you lead?
It’s easy to get consumed with negativity. But there’s good stuff, too.
I heard that 15 brains are better than one. Sometimes a coach or CEO wants to talk all the time. But I think the ability to ask really good questions and listen is rare. How often do people listen without the need to respond? So if someone says they went to Syracuse, you can say, Oh, what made you want to go to Syracuse? Rather than, Oh, I know someone who went there, too.
That reminds me of what helped make Jeff Bezos a great leader — his rule was to talk last in meetings. The most junior person was to speak first.
That’s a good example. During timeouts, I’ll ask guys, what were you seeing there? You’re out there doing the work, I’m just watching from the sideline. When they’re speaking, they feel more of a sense of ownership. They learn more and grow more together when it’s not just the coach speaking at them.
What are you most proud of?
Getting married to my wife in December. She’s supportive and fun, beautiful inside and out.
How do you and your wife work through challenges, disagreements, areas of stress?
Patience. Living together and sharing a space with anyone can be hard. We try to communicate what we need, because we can’t read each other’s minds. We speak up when something is bothering us. The book, “Ask Powerful Questions” mentions that when talking about anything serious, you shouldn’t have a barrier between you and the other person. It suggests not sitting at a table. Instead, sit right next to each other because it gets rid of the physical barrier. We like to sit next to each other and hold each other’s hands.
What traits do you admire in other humans?
Energy. Someone said, “Your energy introduces you when you walk into a room.” One of our players is always loud and talking, encouraging players during practice. It’s selfless to use his energy to uplift everyone. His energy changes the whole environment of our practices.
Also, humility. I like people who, no matter how successful, treat everyone the right way. My grandfather was a successful electrician, but he was humble. You’d never know how successful he was.
I also admire humans who find the good. Life is hard, there’s so much bad news out there, but I admire people who can be optimistic. There’s a lot to be grateful for if you keep looking for it.
What’s your favorite part of coaching? What draws you to it?
It’s similar to teaching: You’re able to impact people during their growing-up journey, which is a powerful period of life.
I love creating more leaders and building a culture. Before, they weren’t consistently sprinting to help each other up off the ground or huddling up, but now we’re doing it because we agreed as a team those behaviors are important. Sometimes, they’re adding value in other areas of life because of our practice or something I might have said or done. That’s very cool. I also love to compete and instill an environment where the kids feed off competitive energy.
When do you feel most alive?
Being in a space with people that you love and care about. My older brother, David, coached with me this year. Walking into the gym with my fellow coaches and our team is a joy. I love those environments of good energy and good intentions.
We had a vision board this year: be the most connected team, the best defensive team, and the most unselfish team. That environment makes me feel alive and grateful.
What’s your motto?
Positive vibes. Teddy Roosevelt said, “Nobody cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.” I try to live by that.
You never know what someone is going through. So just be kind. You could change the rest of someone's day or their life just by choosing kindness over judgment.
Thanks, Dan!
To contact Dan:
Email: contactdanhorwitz@gmail.com
Twitter: Danhorwitz1
Celebrate your gifts,
Matthew