Happiness is love
The Beatles had it right with "All You Need Is Love"
The Beatles dropped “All You Need Is Love” during the 1960s anti-war movement, apparently after receiving a request to create a song understood by people everywhere in the world. John Lennon and Paul McCartney began writing separate songs in 1967, and John’s “All You Need Is Love” was chosen because of its easy-to-understand message of love and peace.
All you need is love
All you need is love
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need
The phrase has since been repeated in many places, so much so that it could be considered simplified and cliché. But the message of love and connection has always been core to the human experience, ever since we evolved into humans thousands of years ago. Through good times as well as difficult — happy days, war days, grieving days, pandemic days, and days of pure bliss — the deep interpersonal emotion of love has kept people going and bonded together. Experiencing work or hobbies that we truly enjoy also can keep us fulfilled and infuse us with purpose. Simply, associating with quality influences drives us to be better versions of ourselves.
The famous Grant Study, one of the longest-running longitudinal studies of human development, confirmed the power of love. Psychiatrist George Vaillant found that happiness also wasn’t much about adolescent social class, intelligence, body build, or income. Instead: “The seventy-five years and twenty million dollars expended on the Grant Study points … to a straightforward five-word conclusion: ‘Happiness is love. Full stop.’ ”
“The only thing that really matters in life are your relationships to other people.” — George Vaillant
Happiness hasn’t been much about where we live, how sunny it is, or how much money we made. It has always been about a warm, supportive childhood followed by warm adult relationships. The study, which noted that alcoholism is “a disorder of great destructive power,” emphasized that the capacity for empathic relationships predicted a great deal of life satisfaction. “Our lives when we are old are the sum of all of our loves,” he wrote. How lovely. Let’s see that again: “Our lives when we are old are the sum of all of our loves.”
Meaningful relationships, as well as work or hobbies you love — where you find them so enjoyable that you might lose track of time — tend to create a joyful experience too. Engaging in activities we love with people we love being around is the sweet spot. Just as Marcus Aurelius said, "People exist for one another,” we are here together during this brief life to love and be loved. Seneca said, “No good thing is pleasant to possess, without friends to share it.” Our relationships require a foundation built over time, then cultivated routinely because they are so delicate.
This weekend, consider taking a moment to contemplate what love and meaningful relationships mean to you. How have they evolved for you? In what relationships do you find the most joy or peace? In what ways do you nurture a peaceful relationship with yourself?
It might be no overstatement that relations construct much of our life, for they are cornerstones of our memories. So, this week, I am thinking of the good relationships in my life, from family and friends to fellow colleagues and acquaintances. With a cup of hot tea, I’ll turn off my phone and sit with my journal to reflect on some of the sincere relationships in my life, what they mean, and how they’ve helped me on this journey.
A few recent photos:
A sign at a New Jersey Starbucks:
Ally and I found this great old wooden desk in the neighborhood, which makes the craft of writing, reading, and creating more raw, pure.
My friend, Kenneth, and I visited the recently opened Jackie Robinson Museum in Manhattan, a testament to the man who broke the baseball color line when he started at first base for the Brooklyn Dodgers on April 15, 1947.
Well-curated museums inspire through personal connections, beautiful art, and stories of perseverance in the face of long odds. I often leave museums feeling good, ready to spread some goodness.
Parting thought: We can walk, talk, breathe, love, and feel. We are alive, how wonderful. We are alive, how wonderful.
Celebrate your gifts,
Matthew