Cultivating awareness and creating more time for self
"Awareness, awareness, awareness."
Happy fall, everyone. May we enjoy the fresh air and pretty colors this season brings. This week’s newsletter features lessons from "Awareness" by Anthony De Mello, a book recommended by Tim Ferriss and Naval. Warning: This is not for the close-minded. De Mello's goal here was to wake up people to the reality of their greatness. Here are my favorite quotes from the book:
We are surrounded by joy, happiness and love. Can you see it? Really look for it. It's there.
View your life as if it is your first time looking at it.
Why not concentrate on the now, instead of hoping for a better future?
Feelings, thoughts — they are just clouds passing by
Odds are, you're unhappy because you're focusing on what you don't have.
Awareness, awareness, awareness. Practice being aware to yourself and what is in front of you.
What is coming could be the most important minute/day/moment in your life. Grasp this concept — it's the secret to awakening. It allows you to remain at peace.
What determines what it means to be a success? Being a CEO has nothing to do with success. Neither do straight A's or millions of dollars in your bank account. Plenty of people accomplish all of that. But real success is peace of mind.
Happiness cannot be acquired. It is here.
Nobody dislikes or rejects you: They're only rejecting who they think you are.
Look at the birds in the air, the dogs at the park — they neither cry nor worry.
Life is something that happens to us while we're busy making other plans.
Most people, even though they don’t know it, are asleep. They’re born asleep, they live asleep, they marry in their sleep, they breed children in their sleep, they die in their sleep without ever waking up. They never understand the loveliness and the beauty of this thing that we call human existence.
If I change my profession tomorrow, it’s like changing my clothes, I am untouched. Are you your clothes? Are you your name? Are you your profession? No. No need to identify with them. They come and go.
Observe, observe, observe
“What I’m leading you to is the following: awareness of reality around you. Awareness means to watch, to observe what is going on within you and around you. ‘Going on’ is pretty accurate: Trees, grass, flowers, animals, rock, all of reality is moving. One observes it, one watches it. How essential it is for the human being not just to observe himself or herself, but to watch all of reality. Are you imprisoned by your concepts? Do you want to break out of your prison? Then look; observe; spend hours observing. Watching what? Anything. The faces of people, the shapes of trees, a bird in flight, a pile of stones, watch the grass grow. Get in touch with things, look at them. Hopefully you will then break out of these rigid patterns we have all developed, out of what our thoughts and our words have imposed on us. Hopefully we will see. What will we see? This thing that we choose to call reality, whatever is beyond words and concepts. This is a spiritual exercise—connected with spirituality — connected with breaking out of your cage, out of the imprisonment of the concepts and words.”
You don’t have to add anything in order to be happy; you’ve got to drop something. Life is easy, life is delightful. It’s only used in your illusions, your ambitions, your greed, your cravings.
Negative feelings are in you, not in reality. So stop trying to change reality. Stop trying to change the other person.
It will pass. Everything passes, everything.
See the world with eyes of wonder, with eyes of a child. See things in the present moment of freshness. If you really enjoy life and the simple pleasures of the senses, you'd be amazed.
Meditate on our death
"I've often said to people that the way to really live is to die. The passport to living is to imagine yourself in your grave. Imagine that you're lying in your coffin. Any posture you like. In India we put them in cross-legged. Sometimes they're that way tot he burning ground. Sometimes, though, they're lying flat. So imagine you're lying flat and you're dead. Now look at your problems from that viewpoints. Changes everything, doesn't it?
What a lovely, lovely meditation. Do it every day if you have the time. It's unbelievable, but you'll come alive.”
Life is only a flash of light and we waste (most of) it. We waste it with our anxiety, our worries, our concerns, our burdens. At a conservative estimate, there are one hundred million galaxies out there. Let this give you a different feel, a different perspective on life.
Take on activities that you so love to do that while you're engaged in them success, recognition and approval simply do not mean a thing to you.
Living doesn't mean working in government, or being a big businessman, or performing great acts of charity. That isn't living. Living is to have dropped all the impediments and to live in the present moment with freshness.
Nourish yourself on wholesome food, good wholesome food. I’m not talking about actual food, I’m talking about sunsets, about nature, about a good movie, about a good book, about enjoyable work, about good company, and hopefully you will break your addictions to those other feelings.
De Mello was asked if he ever felt low. His response: Boy, do I ever feel low every now and then. I get my attacks. (We all do!) But they don't last. They really don't. What do I do? First step: Don't identify. Here comes a low feeling. Instead of getting tense about it, instead of getting irritated with myself about it, I understand I'm feeling depressed, disappointed, or whatever. And then don't identify with the feeling. "I" am not lonely, "I" am not depressed, "I" am not disappointed. Disappointment is there, one watches it. You'd be amazed how quickly it glides away.
Nourish your soul
What kind of feeling comes upon you when you’re in touch with nature, or when you’re absorbed in work that you love? Or when you’re really conversing with someone whose company you enjoy in openness and intimacy without clinging? What kind of feelings do you have? Compare those feelings with the feelings you have when you win an argument, or when you win a race, or when you become popular, or when everybody’s applauding you. The latter feelings I call worldly feelings; the former feelings I can soul feelings. Lots of people gain the world and lose their soul. Lots of people live empty, soulless lives because they’re feeding themselves on popularity, appreciation and praise, on “I’m OK, you’re OK,” look at me, attend to me, support me, value me, on being the boss, on having power, on winning the race. Do you feed yourself on that? If you do, you’re dead. You’ve lost your soul. Feed yourself on other, more nourishing material. Then you’ll see the transformation. I’ve given you a whole program for life, haven’t I?
Photo of the week: I am spending the week by a lake with family reading, meditating, journaling, hiking, breathing. What else is needed?
Ways to "have more time"
Stop watching TV
Delete social media apps from phone
Delete other apps
Be ruthless with to-do lists: Is this really necessary?
Send fewer texts or emails
Limit email to designated times
Order stuff online rather than driving to stores
Outsource what you can at home (lawn care, cleaning, etc.)
Stick to the “no phone in bedroom” rule, so that the phone isn’t there before bed or upon waking up
What else? This is only what works for me and has helped cut screen time in half. By deleting Twitter, Facebook and Instagram from my phone, I have saved over an hour per day on screen time, or about 360 hours per year, enough time to read about 40-50 additional books per year. What other strategies work for you?
Introducing “Ichigo Ichie” —
The Japanese art of treasuring each experience, moment and interaction we have with others because that exact moment will never happen again. Or “treasuring the unrepeatable nature of a moment.” Another way to think of it: "In this moment, an opportunity."
Two questions:
If you were fully open and honest, what would you ask or say to someone?
What is the most neglected important area of my life right now?
A tweet I’m pondering:
One final thought: Brené Brown once said, “We chase extraordinary moments instead of being grateful for ordinary moments until hard shit happens. And then in the face of really hard stuff — illness, death, loss — the only thing we’re begging for is a normal moment.” As Polina Pompliano writes, “Here’s the great irony of life — we are constantly pursuing the exciting and the extraordinary yet when we lose someone, we’re willing to give anything to hear the sound of them opening the fridge or singing off-key in the shower just one more time. Remember, each moment we’re alive is impossibly fragile. Learn how to enjoy the mundane moments today.”
Be joyful and celebrate your gifts,
Matthew