Be like a palm tree, strengthened by storms
Plus: Drawing your life road map and finding a sense of awe
Hey friends,
Over Thanksgiving, I visited my mom in Sarasota, Fla., where it was seventy degrees and sunny each day. Palm trees are a common sight there, although they're not merely relaxing, natural structures. Walk up to one and what you see is strength. Tap one, or hug one, and the solidness and strength becomes clear. They are sturdy, not just beautiful.
Maybe palm trees are like our most admirable people: chill, Zen, stoic, but hard at work in the center, strong in the core. No matter how nasty the hurricane winds, rainfall and dark clouds become, palm trees regularly make it through the storm, renewed as a stronger form of themselves. Palm trees can withstand winds up to 145 miles per hour and are able to bend 40 or 50 degrees without snapping.
As I wrote this, I was sitting outside near a palm tree, studying the tree as a meditative experience. From my assessment, it is evident how sturdy the base of the tree is, ingrained so well into the soil below. Then I Googled what makes them thin, yet strong. They bend, but they rarely break.
What I found: Palm trees growing in groups survive hurricane winds better than individual trees — just as our chances of surviving the storms in our own lives would be much greater if not alone. Further, palm trees planted around other plants, trees and shrubs have a higher likelihood to survive hurricanes than palm trees surrounded by only other palm trees — just as we humans can enrichen our lives when surrounded by and immersed in various types of people.
Research from hurricanes also reveals that palm trees may lose some or all of their leaves, but the tree often lives on through the storm. The same is true of us: The storms in our lives might leave us bruised, but they strengthen our resilient muscles, which usually come in handy later down the road.
"Boulders may block our path, but when we engage our awakened attention, we can see them as stepping stones." — Lisa Miller, author, The Awakened Brain
This story brings us to a pair of helpful reflection points: Write about or meditate on something you struggled with but persevered at—something you believed you weren’t good at but you persisted with and found it brought you joy. How do you honor that perseverance? Where does it live in your life? -- H/T Suleika Jaouad
Random quotes, observations and meditations from my journal the last couple of weeks:
Everything is either space or atoms. That's it. Let this guide you when you're overthinking people/ things/situations. It's just a bunch of atoms together in space
What if we wake up today with only the things we were grateful for?
We only get to be in our bodies for a limited time -- why not celebrate this journey, then?
Sometimes saying goodbye doesn't mean you don't love something. It just means you love yourself too.
“It's great to be here. It's great to be anywhere." - Jimi Hendrix
I don't 'need' anything else -- a nice home, a Tesla, new clothes, a higher-paying job. Everything we need is right here.
Enjoy the good life every chance you have. The simple pleasures — that's living.
Peace is available to you at every moment you choose
Flow with whatever is happening and let your mind be free. Stay centered on accepting whatever you are doing. This is the ultimate.
Feeling sad about a decision or outcome doesn't mean you made the wrong choice
The face you see in the mirror is your competition
The Greek poet, Dinos Christianopoulos, shares a message on resilience:
"They tried to bury us. They didn’t know we were seeds."
Next time, ask: What's the worst that could happen? Then just give it a shot.
Tim Cook, Apple CEO, on why we need to step away from our phones and go for a walk: “I think it's a way for all of us to feel insignificant, and there's no better way to do that than to be out in nature and in the national parks, which I dearly love. I find it very grounding, relaxing, and a way to clear the mind like nothing else quite does. It's a palate cleanser.”
A meditation from Charlotte Freeman:
Maybe it's ok that you haven't worked out every little detail just yet. Maybe it's ok that you're feeling a little lost lately. Maybe you don't need all the answers now, maybe everything you need now is right here. Maybe the only thing you're missing is trust -- believing that things will work out the way they're supposed to. Once you let go of your fears and put your trust in yourself and into the universe, that's when it all comes together. Maybe this is your sign to do it. Whatever you're thinking of when reading this. This is your sign to trust yourself. This is your sign it's time for change.
What Ric Elias, a passenger on the plane that miraculously landed on the Hudson River, learned as his life flashed before him when the pilot said, 'Brace for impact'
It all changes in an instant. He thought about all the people he wanted to reach out to but didn't. "I no longer want to postpone anything in life," he said. That urgency, that purpose has changed his life.
He felt one regret as the plane nearly hit the GW bridge: He regretted wasting time over things that don't matter with the people who matter, including with his wife and friends. No more negative energy. As of the speech he gave, he hadn't had a fight with his wife in two years. He no longer tries to be right. He chooses to be happy.
Wow, dying is not scary, he thought. “It's almost like we've been preparing for this. But it was sad.” He didn't want to go. He only wished for one thing: see his kids grow up. He realized all that matters to him is to be a good dad. He was given the gift of a miracle, of not dying, and here he is, reborn.
I challenge you guys — how would you change if the plane were going down, but you survived, back for a ‘second life’? What would you get done that you haven’t? How would you change your relationships? Are you being the best person, the best parent, you can be?
A reflection by the amazing Kathryn Schulz, in the New Yorker:
There’s precious little solace for this, and zero redress; we will lose everything we love in the end. But why should that matter so much? By definition, we do not live in the end: we live all along the way. The smitten lovers who marvel every day at the miracle of having met each other are right; it is finding that is astonishing. You meet a stranger passing through your town and know within days you will marry her. You lose your job at fifty-five and shock yourself by finding a new calling ten years later. You have a thought and find the words. You face a crisis and find your courage.
All of this is made more precious, not less, by its impermanence. No matter what goes missing, the wallet or the father, the lessons are the same. Disappearance reminds us to notice, transience to cherish, fragility to defend. Loss is a kind of external conscience, urging us to make better use of our finite days. As Whitman knew, our brief crossing is best spent attending to all that we see: honoring what we find noble, denouncing what we cannot abide, recognizing that we are inseparably connected to all of it, including what is not yet upon us, including what is already gone. We are here to keep watch, not to keep.
A new habit I'm incorporating into my day:
Five minutes of awe each day: Give yourself the gift of tranquil time and contemplation of everything and everyone you love around you. Here are a few notes from my journal, things I’m awed with:
The beating of my heart
The miracles around me
The precious moments with those I love
The taste of the delicious food I get to eat
The crispness of natural water from the Earth
One exercise I'm meditating on, from Lisa Miller:
On a sheet of paper, draw the road of your life.
Identify a place where you faced a hurdle: a loss, a disappointment, a death, a time when the thing you wanted — a job, a relationship, an award — seemed lined up, in reach, and then somehow the door slammed and you didn't get what you wanted or thought you were going to get. Draw the slammed door on the road.
Consider what happened as a result of that loss or disappointment that wouldn't have happened otherwise. Because the door closed and you didn't claw ahead trying to force it back open, you saw a new door you hadn't noticed before. What insight or connection or path emerged? What new doorway opened when the first door closed? Add the open door, leading to the new landscape along the road.
Can you locate a messenger or helper who showed up and, with or without knowing they played a role, supported or guided you? Perhaps it was someone you'd never met before or someone who showed up in person or called or sent a letter, or someone you thought of at a crucial moment. Who were the messengers who pointed you to the open door? Draw them on the road.
Repeat steps two through four twice more so your road of life shows three doors that closed and three that opened, and who showed up along the way to point you on your path.
Photo of the week: Amid the hubbub of midtown New York City, Grand Central Terminal is a timeless work of beautiful art, worthy of slowing us down to look around.
Parting thought: Our body works so hard to keep us alive. Many of us have no idea how hard the organs and blood are working for us at each moment. Thus, treat your body as best as you can. Give it a joyous life of health, kindness, care and self love.
Parting question: How long will you put off what you are capable of doing just to continue what you are comfortable doing?
Be joyful and celebrate your gifts,
Matthew
P.S. If you have an essay, quote or meditation you'd love to share with a few hundred people in this newsletter, please reply to this note or text me. I'm accepting guest messages/reflections or random thoughts from all.