Attitude Determines Altitude With Hawken Miller
Hawken, who lives with Duchenne muscular dystrophy (DMD), joins Inner Peace!
Hey everyone,
I’m delighted to share highlights from a recent conversation I had with Hawken Miller, a 27-year-old writer from Newport Beach, California. Hawken and I met as interns at The Washington Post in 2019. What was clear on the day we met that June: his kindness, remarkable listening skills, and genuine interest in others — the kind of genuineness that makes you pause, reassess your priorities, and live more deliberately.
The other day, Hawken and I reconnected to discuss his life with Duchenne muscular dystrophy (DMD), a hereditary neuromuscular disease. We also discussed attitude, music, finding peace, making gradual progress, and the value of community.
Hawken’s mother, Debra, and her husband, Paul, started the nonprofit CureDuchenne in 2003 to try to find a cure for her son’s illness. The genetic disorder leads to muscle degeneration, and there is no cure. But after 21 years, CureDuchenne’s work has raised millions of dollars and helped increase the life expectancy of those living with Duchenne by nearly a decade.
Here is my conversation with Hawken, edited lightly for brevity and clarity, ahead of the nonprofit’s annual conference in Miami. May Hawken’s words help you find a little more peace or live more intentionally.
What helps you find peace? What keeps you grounded?
Prayer, similar to meditation. You have to be by yourself and limit distractions. Hanging out with others and encouraging one another also helps. I’m confident where I’m going. I try to take some deep breaths to find peace.
Where do you find community?
My church community. We all meet on Thursdays at my apartment, and we’ll just hang out. It’s really beautiful and I’m blessed to have it in my apartment.
You’ve said attitude dictates altitude, a phrase popularized by the author Zig Ziglar. Is that your motto?
I have 24/7 caregivers that swap midweek, and one of them said that to me. It stuck because it’s so true. My attitude has helped in that it's allowed me to do much better physically than I might otherwise be doing.
Were you always upbeat, despite reasons not to be?
I try to weather the storms of life and still come out unscathed. I didn’t always understand that, but now I do. God helps. But I also believe it’s my personality: What’s the point of being super upset if you can be positive about something? I don’t have rose-colored glasses. I see things as they are. But I don’t find much use in focusing on the negatives. I focus on what I can do, not what I can’t.
Many of us are always in our own head, beating ourselves up with negative self-talk: we’re not this, we’re not that, we’re not good enough. We can easily do it on autopilot.
I have this mindset that helps me be in tune with myself. I’ll notice a thought and say to myself, ‘That’s not true.’ For example, I might think, oh, I’m never gonna have a girlfriend or I'm never gonna get married. Or I'm not good enough at this or I don't make as much money as my friends. Or I'm not as successful as my peers.
But those are all lies. They’re not all true. So I try to destroy those thoughts before they take root and take hold in my mind.
What role has playing the piano, and music broadly, played in your healing journey?
I played piano for about four years. Having that basic understanding of music and how music works — reading music, knowing how to listen to music — is powerful. We’ve all been created to make music. We are able to make music whether we sound good or not, you know what I mean? Music has the most impact on me in a spiritual way. Music can boost your mood if you hear that song you love or the songs that fit you. I’ll play a game with myself as to what instruments I’m hearing in a song, or how a song is composed, and what the lyrics are.
Your favorite song?
I love Coldplay. One of the songs I played on the piano was their song, “Clocks.” I did a recital for it, and it’s a special song for me.
With Duchenne, do you notice physical changes by the week? How do you gauge your strength?
Good question. It's subtle. Sometimes, it’s harder to move around in bed. I can’t roll over when the bed’s soft enough. Sometimes it’d be hard just to walk in the sand on the beach. Standing up in the water was hard. Sometimes, I can’t pick up certain items on my own. I’m walking much less now. I usually have someone by my side because of the falls I’ve had. My leg could just give out on me, and I have no way of catching myself.
Tell us about your happy place in the woods of Minnesota.
We used to go every summer, but I try to go as much as I can because it’s so beautiful. You’re in the wild, there aren’t many distractions, there aren’t buildings. It’s just the woods and the lake. It’s very peaceful.
Do you have any other favorite places to frequent for peace and inner tranquility?
Just going outdoors. The sun being on my face. I receive a lot of peace without necessarily having to go someplace because you can be peaceful with yourself no matter where you are.
I love the ocean, the mountains, the sunsets here in California, too. Nature is so beautiful.
What has stretching and physical movement done for you?
Being in a wheelchair and sitting down can cause a lot of tightness, so I practice moving around. It helps with circulation to get your blood moving. I do a lot of physical therapy to keep healthy.
Healthy foods can lead to inner peace and tranquility — caretaking our bodies. What does your diet look like?
I put an emphasis on protein because my muscles are weak and I need to strengthen them. I eat a lot of chicken and vegetables. A lot of iron and fiber. A lot of water. I don’t eat many carbs because I’m not that active, so those carbs can just sit and turn into fat.
What's a truly fulfilling life for you? Are you living it now?
It’s fulfilling to help other people. I try to give younger kids hope that it’s not over, and there are things they can do to help themselves. Ultimately, my job here on earth is to love other people. Loving people is such a fulfilling thing to do. Sometimes, I get caught up in my career and accomplishments, but none of that really matters. At the end of the day, all that stuff will turn to dust. So I try to focus on the lasting things: love and relationships.
Do you want to have a family?
I'm not stressing out over not having a partner as much as I used to. I’m trusting that I’ll find the right person if it’s meant to be. In my heart, my desire is to have a family.
What does speaking to groups mean to you?
It’s all about planting seeds in peoples’ hearts, helping inspire them. It all goes back to love. If people can take something from me and apply it to their lives and live a better life, then I did what I needed to.
What’s energizing you right now?
My church community. We’re like a family. God energizes me. Being an example to younger people. Making a difference for people makes me go forward each day. Sometimes I feel like I should give up, but I don’t, because I know people are watching me, encouraging me, and cheering me on. It’s not about me — there are other people looking up to me. I can’t give up.
Someone I know says he walks as if all his ancestors are standing with him. It adds significance to each moment, each day, each interaction.
Thank you for mentioning the ancestor part. I had a friend pass away, and I think about him a lot. I think to myself, ‘I’m doing this work for both of us.’ I like to think about a few other people, too. It makes life about much more than myself.
What do children with Duchenne come to you with, as far as worries or fears?
People in wheelchairs tend to not make many friends, and sometimes they stop trying to meet people. I tell them that their opinion is worthy. Don’t get caught up in what others think, because I get into that mindset, and it can be paralyzing.
Sometimes, you feel like you’re a burden because you’re in a wheelchair. I tell people to greet others, ask how they’re doing, and smile. My dad always says: Go first in the conversation. I love that.
A lot of people struggle with the mental health aspect of being confined to a wheelchair. I’m not a mental health expert, but I always go back to my faith. People are struggling, so I try to be sensitive to that, but I also explain how I’ve been able to work through my own challenges.
Everyone wants to be loved and part of something. How do you recommend people find community and connect with others?
The great thing with being a gamer is that we stay connected. We have that community, and gaming is for people with disabilities or not. Finding things you’re interested in, clubs, groups. For me, faith is the biggest thing. Church is a community. Even just this week, I had jury duty and met a few friends. So you never know. Keep an open mind, don’t judge a book by its cover.
What are your most treasured possessions?
The bible, my phone, and a pen and paper to jot down my thoughts. My wheelchair. That allows me to go places and do things I would have never been able to do.
What have you learned from your parents?
Focus on what you can do, not what you can't do. Do the best with what you've been given. A good attitude will help you through. Don’t worry what others are thinking of you. And hold yourself in high esteem. Don't be prideful, but know that you are more than capable of what's in front of you.
Celebrate your gifts,
Matthew