Anxiety's Unlikely Gift
Trying to appreciate anxiety in an increasingly anxious world
May 25, 2024. Above, I’m smiling wide, next to my soulmate, Ally, on one of the happiest days of my life. I was deeply fulfilled and grateful. But I was also incredibly anxious. Not anxious about marrying Ally, but anxious about living, aging, and progressing through the world.
I’d been anxious that whole month, that whole week, and definitely that whole day. I was anxious almost all of last year, to be honest. There’s no way around it: living with an anxiety disorder can suck the joy out of life.
But I’ve realized that anxiety, as much as it can frustrate and paralyze, can be a gift. It can make a person more present and grateful. It reminds us that feeling calm is a gift, not something to take for granted. Plus, happiness and anxiety can exist at the same time. And sometimes, the things that challenge us most are those that shape us in the best ways.
For years, I saw anxiety as something to battle, something to overcome. It lingered in the background, nudging me with worries and what-ifs. But I think anxiety has made me more empathetic. When I see someone struggling, I don’t just sympathize, I usually feel it, sometimes to my detriment, because I take on their wounds or emotions, and then I struggle, too.
I also understand the racing thoughts, the moments of unease, the way small worries can spiral. Hopefully, that understanding has made me a better friend, listener, and human.
Anxiety can also give you a deeper sense of gratitude. When I have stretches of peace and feel truly present and at ease, I don’t take it for granted. I try to savor it. I know what it’s like to live in my head, so I savor the moments when I’m simply living, enjoying moments as they unfold.
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Anxiety can also motivate people. It pushes me to prepare, plan, and do the work. That nervous energy fuels me to create, refine, and get things done. Without it, I might procrastinate more, care less, or let things slip through the cracks. Anxiety, in its own way, has been a driving force behind my ambition and desire to make meaningful progress for myself and the world.
Maybe the biggest lesson anxiety has taught me is self-awareness. I’ve had to learn what calms me, what triggers me, and what helps me reset. I’ve built habits—exercise, writing, reading, time outside, yoga, deep breaths, and long walks—that help keep me steady. This has forced me to know myself on a deeper level than I might have otherwise.
Some days, anxiety is exhausting and quite discouraging. On bad days, it feels like there’s no way out. But for the most part, I’ve stopped wishing it away. Instead, I’ve learned to work with it, to see it not as a flaw but as a part of me…a trait that brings challenges, yes, but also strength.
Celebrate your gifts,
Matthew