A new beginning

Give yourself a permanent break from the drama that can be easily avoided—just don’t engage in it

“When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive — to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.” ~Marcus Aurelius

Hi friends,

Last week, Ally and I moved into a new apartment in Brooklyn, a few steps from Prospect Park. The neighborhood is quiet and tranquil, with plenty of trees, grass, baby strollers, and dogs. There are pleasant sidewalks, local shops, restaurants, and families. We are excited for this new chapter to live deliberately, grow and learn together, and recalibrate — over and over. Rather than overthink the move, the big city, and career, I aim to live day-by-day, allowing experiences to flow.

This wasn’t so easy last week, when my mind became anxious as I over-thought the move and whether it was worth the high rent. But it is true that humans have a tendency to over-care and over-think, which can be destructive habits. I hope to view this move as a new beginning, a chance to start anew, and realize we’re all just winging it. We have a tendency to be hard on ourselves, too. Starting anew, starting over — it can be emotional, even overwhelming.

I came across a line that can help: Think of yourself as a little boy or girl, just a kid trying to have some fun and project love. That is us. When we are mean to ourselves or overly critical, think of that image of your young self. This way, we may be a little gentler to our hearts.

***

There is no “perfect” time to make a move, or a major change, or embark on a new beginning. Often, taking action is the way. I’m in experimental mode, always, and just trying to see what sticks. We’re trying out life in New York, and so far so good. I look forward to the days of museums, bookshops, libraries, coffee shops, restaurants, and good conversation with friends, family, and strangers. Already this week, we have begun to take full advantage of the location: We attended a Leon Bridges concert, then a Yankee game, then a comedy show with friends. Art shows, live music, and quality meals to come.

Our apartment includes a spacious kitchen, big windows, and good natural light — much to appreciate. What we have now, we once dreamed of. There’s also a built-in bookshelf and a couch now, ideal for writing, reading, journaling, meditating, and letting the mind wander. In many ways, the place in which we live is an extension of our values, and thus we plan to caretake the space with plants, reading material, regular cleaning, and minimal furniture. Truly very little is needed to make a happy life, and sometimes we don't allow ourselves to be happy. So love ourselves and allow ourselves to be happy. Happiness doesn't need conditions.

Here’s the main living room on move-in day.

Here’s to a new chapter in a new neighborhood. Here’s to tipping musicians on the street, making new friends, scoops of ice cream, reading on park benches, strolling on the main avenue just because, and plenty of walks outside in nature. Here’s to walking dogs, taking time to recharge and unplug, and putting our well-being at the forefront.

---

The other day I saw an article about how many Americans are becoming unhealthy: obesity is rising, we aren’t spending enough time outside (often because we’re inside looking at screens), we aren’t getting enough sun (Vitamin D is critical to thriving), we aren’t getting enough sleep (see below), and we’re more distracted than ever before. Then there’s social isolation and loneliness, which some researchers have said could be worse than smoking cigarettes. It’s no wonder why anxiety and depression are so common.

We can’t afford to put off workouts, walks, healthy meals, time outdoors, and time with other humans. We shall not forget that we are animals (“just monkeys with a plan”), and we can’t afford to sit all day at our desk — this promotes obesity and high blood pressure. (If you need standing desk recommendations, let me know.) We can’t afford to not prioritize our mental health as mental illness in the U.S. is rising, especially among people in their teens and 20s. Thinking of all the teenagers growing up with social media and comparison and "likes” and online bullying and peer-pressure just breaks my heart.

Charts below. (H/T Philip Pearlman)

Bottom line: We need one another. We ought to check in on ourselves, our friends, and our loved ones. The “always on” and “always in the office” culture is finally getting disrupted, mostly by the younger generation, and that’s how it should be. In my view, work should never come before home and health. As an intern, I used to take pride in being one of the first to get to work and one of the last to leave the office. Thar ship has since sailed, and I usually am among the first to leave the office so I can see a family member, friend, read, walk, or lift weights.

In this fragile life, health is the real wealth. Let us take care of ourselves and our people.

---

Google’s CEO Sundar Pichai, in a 1 minute speech quoted Coca Cola’s former CEO and said:

Imagine life is a game of 5 balls which you juggle in air, trying not to drop any of those balls. One is made of rubber, and the rest are glass.

The five balls are: Work, family, health, friends, soul.

It will not be long before you realize that (work) is a rubber ball. Whenever you drop, you will jump again, while the other balls are made of glass. If one of them falls, it will not return to its previous form. It will either be damaged, bruised or cracked.

---

Marcus Aurelius considers the key to regarding one’s own life, and living it, with positive realism (H/T The Marginalian)

Be like a headland: the waves beat against it continuously, but it stands fast and around it the boiling water dies down. “It’s my rotten luck that this has happened to me.” On the contrary, “It’s my good luck that, although this has happened to me, I still feel no distress, since I’m unbruised by the present and unconcerned about the future.” What happened could have happened to anyone, but not everyone could have carried on without letting it distress him. So why regard the incident as a piece of bad luck rather than seeing your avoidance of distress as a piece of good luck? Do you generally describe a person as unlucky when his nature worked well? Or do you count it as a malfunction of a person’s nature when it succeeds in securing the outcome it wanted?

---

Trying the Creative Boredom Challenge (H/T Sahil Bloom):

• 5 days, 30 min per day

• No technology allowed

• No books or reading

• No social interaction

• Dynamic (walking) or static

• Let your mind simply wander. Carry a small notebook to log any interesting ideas or insights.

Give yourself a permanent break from the drama that can be easily avoided—just don’t engage in it.

---

A poem I enjoyed: The Summer Day, Mary Oliver

I have begun to dive into the poetry of Oliver, starting with one of her most popular pieces:

Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean -
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down -
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?

---

Photo of the week: The family celebrated my aunt Susan and uncle Al’s 50th wedding anniversary — a masterclass in long-term commitment and companionship. All relationships are works in progress, with ups and downs. One thing I have admired about them is that they exemplify radical acceptance — seeing the other person for who they are, without desire to constantly change the other person or push them to think a certain way. They don’t seem to sweat the small stuff. They travel widely. And they spend on experiences and trips with friends and family, not material things.

Parting question: What story from your life would you offer of a time you felt lost and found your way?

Be joyful and celebrate your gifts,

Matthew