A Legacy of Love: Lessons from My Grandmother
"You live on — in the hearts of everyone you have touched and nurtured while you were here.”
Hey friends,
About four years ago, just as Covid-19 raged, my grandmother, Janet, passed away. She was almost 90.
Her sense of unconditional acceptance provided a safe and nurturing environment. Her love was a precious gift that enriched my life just as I was growing up and making sense of the world.
Who shapes us the most? Parents, grandparents, maybe a teacher, coach, uncle or aunt? I like to think about how many of my grandmother’s qualities rubbed off on me, like her love of reading physical books, journaling, and writing handwritten letters and cards to friends and family.
Every couple of months, one of her handwritten, personalized cards would arrive in my mailbox, whether for a birthday, holiday, or just to say hello. She also loved the wonders of a great meal at a great restaurant, including dessert to top it off (usually, cheesecake). And, like me, she loved to travel.
At times, I think of all the people fortunate enough to have crossed paths with her on this miracle journey called life. She built a community of friends and went to church every Sunday in the Bronx, where she raised four boys and lived her entire life.
She had a frugal lifestyle and preferred simple pleasures, like a game of bingo with friends, a can of Pepsi, and something good to read. She never owned a car or smartphone, and she was never one to complain much, gossip, or rant about life’s inevitable challenges. She embodied a sentiment from the French philosopher Michel de Montaigne: “The surest sign of wisdom is a constant cheerfulness.”
When I reflect on any loved one who is no longer with us, I keep coming back to Morrie Schwartz’s wise words from Mitch Albom’s “Tuesdays with Morrie.”
“Death ends a life, not a relationship. All the love you created is still there. All the memories are still there. You live on — in the hearts of everyone you have touched and nurtured while you were here.”
Below lies a short reflection I wrote about her four years ago. May it help you consider your own grandparents (or other parental figures), and the role they might have played in shaping you.
And may her legacy continue to shine brightly in the hearts of all who were touched by her presence.
(My maternal grandmother, June, died of breast cancer 28 years before I was born.)
My beautiful grandmom, Janet, passed away this week. She will be missed deeply by the many people who knew and loved her. She crafted handwritten notes, wrote personal cards on your birthday, and some days, called just to check in. I had the privilege of sharing 23 years with her.
She loved living in the Bronx, where I loved visiting her and seeing her face when I brought flowers. She loved flowers.
She loved listening to Johnny Mathis and went to his concerts whenever he was close by. She loved reading books and newspapers. She helped me understand the value in how a good book can transport your mind to magical places. Through her kindness, smiles and hugs, she showed how big a heart she had.
“Over the past two years, I read through her journals and here is what I saw most often,” my dad wrote on Facebook when he eulogized her in April 2020. “Prayers for friends who had gotten sick or died. Prayers for friends of friends who had gotten sick or died. Prayers for all those in the world who may have been suffering from the same or similar ailments, or anything for that matter. And prayers of thanks for the health and well-being of all, especially her friends and family. It pained her when others suffered. Her gratefulness was palpable. She was an exemplary role model. All else pales in comparison to the lessons of unconditional love, kindness and thoughtfulness she has passed down, and around.”
A year or two ago (around 2019), I placed a Harriet Tubman postcard above her bed because grandmom channeled Tubman in her own ways. Like Tubman, grandmom was a strong woman, independent, too. She considered others through payers, letters, and out-of-the-blue phone calls. She was never one to complain. She appreciated the opportunity, the beauty, in each day we are fortunate enough to wake up. If she talked about others, it was to see the good that lies in their heart.
Like Tubman, grandmom now rests peacefully, a beautiful life lived.
Celebrate your gifts,
Matthew
This is the perfect description of your grandmother…. Janet never missed an occasion to send a card.. even if it was just a hello!!! Don’t forget her love for the casino!! Ching, Ching!!🤣🤣
We always love receiving the postcards you send to us on occasion. It is so nice to know that you are thinking about us. Thank you, Janet.